Hey, blogsphere, is anyone out there?
I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't any readers left, because my presence here has been somewhat lacking. Not only have I failed to post for almost two months (sorry!) but, in my absence, I missed marking Day 300 of this quest. Shocking and unacceptable. Alas, apparently that's what you get in the final year of your BA - snowed under. So it's nothing short of ironic that today, when I've finally found the time to post, a huge proportion of the UK is experiencing actual snow. In fact, here in London, we can't see out of the skylight in our kitchen.
Anyway, I'm going to extend this instance of simultaneously literal and figurative white stuff into a linguistic device (it's not strictly a metaphor, because it's both fiction and reality) out of which I'll fashion a snow-post, because it's too cold for me to go out and make anything else...and because it's really a very apt description of my life recently.
Over the past few months (which I'll lump together and call 'this term', even though I have posted since it began) I've had a lot of work to do, physically and mentally as well as academically. It's felt at points as if I've been shovelling settled snow whilst there was still more falling - so that, each time I thought there was a little glimpse of progress along the road underneath, further flakes would come and fill that gap. I mean, we've broken up for the holiday now, and I still have 25,000 words to write, most of which are due in the first week of next term. It's been a hard slog, and it's taken its toll on my mind, especially because there hasn't really been time to focus on things other than my course. I've hardly had an opportunity to walk, let alone blog, and that's scared me.
But here's the important (and exciting!) bit - the work, and the break from walking it's entailed, doesn't seem to have affected my body in the way I thought it would. Quite the contrary, actually, because I've not had even the tiniest twinge of sciatica for a good while now. Also, since I've been home I've been getting out and sitting on another chair several times each day, and my standing continues to get stronger and more confident with each transfer. (I can now push myself out of my chair and up to standing with Mama just in front of me for support - I'm not quite stepping on my own after that, yet, but nearly!)
The most fundamental change, though, is in the range of movement of my legs. On Wednesday night I lay on my back and asked for my right leg to be stretched to ease the tension in my hip-flexors, and it was as though my leg grew. That was amazing in itself, of course, but even more so for me was the fact that I could tolerate it. For the greater part of the last five or six years I've only been completely comfortable in a chair-shaped position, or semi-foetal if I'm lying down, so it was a surprise - a very pleasant one.
Then, on Thursday, I had a very spasmy day. This worried me, but with hindsight I think it was just because I gave my muscles a workout they're not used to, and they wanted me to pay for it. Equally it seems that my mind, having been so immersed in work, struggles to keep up with the pace of the changes occurring in my body - so it tries desperately to pull me back into old patterns centred around fear and pain and spasms in order to find some semblance of familiarity.
To this I can only apologise, as I can only apologise to you, dear readers, for not having posted in so long - because this helter-skelter snowfall of change and improvement seems to be worth it. So, sorry, mind, for the confused transition - but thanks, body, for letting me get back to walking today with a view of the snow. Thanks, too, to you readers, for bearing with me through the blizzard. I think the flakes are pointing toward freedom - and I think they're sticking.
I love you. #Walkingby2013