Monday, 1 October 2012

Day 149 - final year and unknown answers...bring it on!

Those of you who read this blog regularly (and even those who don't, just by looking at the date) will notice that I've not posted for a while - over two weeks, in fact. Suffice to say that the latter part of September each year is a difficult time for me. It comprises the anniversary of a very close friend, Vicky's, death and the birthday of another, Gemma. Gemma was eleven when her appendix burst in 2001, and she would've been twenty-two this year, so her whole life again has passed since then. It's five years since Vicky.

I wanted to blog about them both on their days (17th and 26th September respectively), as I had done for Tina, Erica and Lauren in June, because their presences in my life have had a profound impact on me, my personality and they, too, are driving forces of my determination to succeed in this goal. I will be Walking by 2013 to thank them - Gemma, for her belief in me from the moment we met, Vicky, for her example of quiet courage in her own life, and for making mine wonderful through her laugh, smile and spirit.

I say I 'wanted' to blog because I found I could not. I was too overwhelmed to be able to do justice to my Gem and my Vicky Angel; and, whilst it is true that one often writes most eloquently amidst emotion, I couldn't have done it without my keyboard getting soaked in the process. So, instead, I went up to my favourite tree on Hampstead Heath and meditated on the joy they have brought to me. I hope that was okay, dear girls - you were (and are) forever in my thoughts.

Then there were plans to make for, and things to be done before, third year. A paediatrician's appointment in which he asked me how I was doing and Madeleine said, gleefully, 'She's back to walking!' I nearly fell over, not just because of the look on his face, but because she was acknowledging that it's possible. She's always positive, of course, but 'realistic' - so that was amazing to hear! The end of a truly sublime summer.

Now I find myself back at uni, in October, not having blogged for sixteen days. Back at uni to start the final year of my degree. I'm not quite sure what that means yet, and where I'll end up, but I'm going to try and take it as though it'll be the best year of my life. I'm surrounded by amazing people: friends, helpers, friends who help and helpers who've become firm friends. There are lots of unknown answers, but I'm okay with that. Life is just the greatest show on Earth and since when did theatre go to plan!?

I've got a soundtrack for this new term, too, provided in part by Natasha North:

So bring on final year, bring on dissertations, and bring on walking to collect my degree. It's going to be a cracker!

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