Monday, 16 July 2012

Day 72 - the wall

Wow - it seems I haven't blogged for a while. Not because exciting things aren't happening - believe me, they are - but because I've felt a little as though I'm living in a whirlwind this week. It was a week of therapies, as I saw my Feldenkrais teacher, my accupuncturist and my osteopath, as well as my physio. These were all very positive appointments, especially as I was brave enough to show my physio my hoist walking, and she was so impressed that she wants to organise a walking frame for me! (I won't go into details now, because I haven't tried anything out yet, but it is pretty huge!)

Why, then, have I been struggling? (It takes a lot to admit that I have been, particularly online, but I suppose you aren't expecting shiny-happy people all the time...) Maybe it's because mum's not feeling so hot and, in spite of how far I've come, any difficulty she has is a rather forceful reminder of how dependent I still am, and I feel guilty that I'm adding to her struggle. Part of me knows it's not true and that she doesn't view it that way at all, but the other part of me has an empathy so strong with her stress etc. that I tense up because I'm worried. Then I worry more, because I've tightened up - sensible!

I think I might have been experiencing what athletes call 'the wall'. If so, I need to find a way to move on and power through it, to somehow change my thinking. Equally, when one falls off a horse, one doesn't roll around in the mud - however much rain we've had recently. No, you get back up in the saddle and canter off into the sunset. I'm off to do just that - and walk again. I'll catch you folks later!

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